When we fail to help our believing spouses deal with sin we fail to help them receive mercy. In Proverbs 28:13 we read, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.” God gives mercy to the humble (Jas.4:6) and to those who turn away from sin to do the Lord’s will he is merciful. Therefore to not assist our spouses in dealing with sin is to forfeit the privilege of leading them to mercy and the responsibility doing good to them. The question is, “How do I help my spouse deal with sin?”.
First we must recognize that our spouses who have been regenerated in Christ by the Spirit are in the process of sanctification. The Westminster Confession defines God’s work in the believer: “They, who are once effectually called, and regenerated, having a new heart, and a new spirit created in them, are further sanctified, really and personally, through the virtue of Christ's death and resurrection, by His Word and Spirit dwelling in them:...” (WCF XIII.1) Sanctification is the work of God in the person who is united to Christ by faith and living in him by the power of the Holy Spirit and by his means of grace. It is not a husband or wife’s role to sanctify their spouse.
Second we must recognize that our spouses who are regenerate and are being sanctified are in the midst of a war. The Westminster Confession describes the war in this way: “This sanctification is throughout, in the whole man; yet imperfect in this life, there abiding still some remnants of corruption in every part; whence arises a continual and irreconcilable war, the flesh lusting against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh.” (WCF XIII.2). Husbands and wives are given to one another to fight together in war, not against one another in war. In war there is needed a “Band of Brothers” or in this case brothers and sisters who will sacrifice for one another in love to see each other through the war against the enemy.
Third a spouse must acknowledge that God is patient in dealing with his children’s sin. In Psalm 103:8-14 we read, “ 8The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. 9 He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. 10He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. 11For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; 12as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. 13As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. 14For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.” A spouse must look to the patience of the Lord in regard to his own life as he looks to God’s grace and patience toward his spouse. Patience is not the same as excusing sin or overlooking it because you are afraid of a man or a woman. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit that enables a spouse to bear with one another in love (Eph.4:2; Col.3:13-14) or overlook an offense (Pr.17:9; 19:11).
Fourth a spouse will not overlook the good that God is working in the life of their husband or wife in the midst of the sin. When the Lord Jesus is speaking with his church in Ephesus he does not overlook the good that they are doing in the midst of dealing with their sin of losing their love that they had for him at the beginning (Rev.2:1-7). When a husband or wife is praying about helping their spouse with sin they must remember with thanksgiving before God all the good that God is doing in their life. And this must be acknowledged before their spouse as they come to them in love and gentleness to restore them.
Fifth, we must only seek to deal with indisputable sin, that is sin that is clearly prohibited by Scripture and easily recognizable by anyone. We must be careful not to have standard that is higher than Gods. We are not called to seek our own preferences in our spouses. A spouse must be careful to know the difference between sin that God hates and things you do not like or things that irritate them. A spouse we must not presume to know the motives of their spouse’s heart. The Scriptures define sin and a spouse can only bind the conscience of their husband or wife with the Word of God. There is a difference between a husband choosing to watch a football game and refusing to go to work. There is a difference between a wife not having ironed a shirt and staying home all day only to watch soap operas, Oprah and Dr. Phil.
Sixth, a husband and wife must acknowledge their responsibility in helping their spouse deal with sin. The apostle Paul instructs us in Galatians 6:1, “1Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.” As we walk toward our spouses in this responsibility we must do it in a manner worthy of the Lord “with all humility, and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.” (Eph.4:2). A husband or wife who is spiritual or able to do this work of restoration is acknowledging their own sin before the Lord and their spouse. When you see your brothers sin look for your own that you may be poor in spirit and mourning for your sin as well as your spouses. The aim is to bring the husband or wife to the mercies of God, to restore them with gentleness before his presence at his throne of grace to help them in their time of need (Heb.4:16). However we must acknowledge that there is a difference in being “caught in any transgression” and committing sin. Caught in a transgression implies that some sin has a hold on them and committing sin implies that they are not practicing a particular sin but have committed a sin. We should not be eager to rebuke them for this is usually a sign of spiritual pride. We should rather be eager to pray for them diligently asking the Holy Spirit to work in their hearts through the Word of truth to restore them. We should be eager to pray for what would be our responsibility and how to carry that out in a spirit of humility, love, gentleness and patience. We should give them reasonable time. We should ask them how they are doing and if there is anything more we can do to serve them. And then we must be willing to assist them by seeking to gently restore them to the Lord. We must seek to do this as one sinner addressing another sinner in how to receive more mercy and find more grace in time of need. We must give them time to respond.
Christian and biblical marriages need the grace of accountability with one another. Too often Christians opt for their ladies group or their men’s group for this accountability. God glorifying marriages will seek this accountability in the loving relationship they have in God’s covenant of grace in Christ. We must help our husbands and wives deal with sin in the context of the covenant of marriage that it will display the glory of God’s grace in Christ.
No comments:
Post a Comment