Redeemed men in Christ Jesus are called to bring that redemption to bear in their relationship to their wives in many different ways. One of those ways is through a relationship of understanding. The apostle Peter commands us as husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as a weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. (1Pe.3:7). Peter’s command for a life of understanding comes with the logic of redemption because our wives share with us in this redemption as joint heirs of Christ in eternal life. The redeemed husband sees his wife through the lenses of justification and adoption. He sees her as one who has been given the same righteous standing with God through the righteousness of Christ, eternal life through the forgiveness of sins and privileges as an inheritor of all that belongs to Jesus Christ. Therefore she is a joint heir to be brought, through serving leadership, to all the knowledge and enjoyment of God she was created for in Jesus Christ. Therefore Peter says to live with her in an understanding way because she is a delicate flower growing in the glorious garden of God’s wisdom, power and goodness in Jesus Christ. She belongs to God and she is going to be given to the knowledge and enjoyment of God through the rest of her life for all eternity. She was created and redeemed to be swallowed up in a loving relationship with her Savior and Lord. So we are in a mysterious way a groom who is to mirror Christ to her so that she will find herself more and more delighted in who he is. This calls then for a life lived toward her in understanding.
There are many ways we can seek to understand our wives as delicate flowers of God growing for his glory. But Peter gives one clear hint when he tells us to live with your wives in understanding. True understanding will come when we live with our wives. It is quite possible in today’s culture to live with someone and never understand them. But Peter is emphasizing that we must live together with them. We must watch, listen and interact with their lives in order to have understanding. This takes time, thought, and energy. It does not mean that we are to quit our day jobs so that we can understand our wives. You will understand very quickly that she does not appreciate laziness and a lack of leadership. We must watch and pay attention to what they like, dislike and are indifferent to. We must listen to them talk. Listen as they talk to their family, their children and especially you. We must ask questions and be prepared to interact with our thoughts, words and actions.
Understanding our wives as gentle and delicate flowers growing in the garden where God has planted them and redeemed them for his glory is very important work. And we are to delight ourselves in God who gives us the privilege to work in leading them to himself for their good and his glory. Let us work with delight to get understanding of our wives for then we will have worked for great treasure as we lead them to their greatest riches in Christ Jesus.
I have given some suggested questions you may use in conversation with your wife that will help you seek a better understanding of God’s redeemed image bearer he has placed in your life.
1. What circumstances are challenging or troubling you right now?
2. What decisions that need to be made are most weighing on you?
3. How are you currently experiencing temptation? This week? In this season?
4. Are you more aware of your sin or how Christ is at work in you?
5. In what ways do you most need my leadership?
6. Where do you need me to provide more spiritual direction/nurture?
7. What passage of scripture would you like us to meditate on together? As a family?
8. How can I help you set priorities?
9. In what area do we need to be more unified?
10. Do you know where I most need your help/input
*questions taken from Family Room blog Covenant Life Church, Gaithersburg Md. http://www.covlife.org/familyroom/?cat=3
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