“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,..”
- Ephesians 6:4a
Children are the fruit of a mother’s womb and the vineyard of a father’s loving leadership. The father, who by God’s grace in Christ, walks in the paths of righteousness seeking first the kingdom of God will yield not a vineyard over run with weeds but the sweet fruit of righteousness in the hearts of his children. For the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control (Gal.5:22-23). And this fruit of the Spirit produced in the hearts of his children that overflows in springs of life comes by God’s grace as the father is careful not to provoke his children to a heart of anger. But what are some ways that a father by the grace of God may not provoke his child to anger, but rather bring him up in the fear, instruction and discipline of the Lord so that his life becomes a vineyard of righteousness for the straight ways of the Lord?
There is a righteous anger that fathers must train their children toward. As Richard Baxter says, “Righteous anger is given by God to stir us up to a vigorous resistance of those things, which, within us or without us do oppose his glory or our salvation, or our own or our neighbors real good.”. In this way we are training our children to obey our Lord’s command, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” (Eph.4:26; Ps.4:4). However, the anger that Paul warns fathers of in Ephesians 6 is an unrighteous anger that does not accomplish the righteousness of God (James 1:19-20). Unrighteous anger expresses itself in blowing up or claming up when a person sets up his own standards and reacts with unholy anger when someone or something violates his desires, will, rights or person. Therefore, when we are thinking about how to lead our children lovingly not provoking them to anger we must keep our thoughts biblical concerning anger.
What are some ways we can keep from provoking our children to unrighteous anger? First, let the fruit of your lips be sweet. In your relationship to God and his image bearers he has called us to praise. God is worthy of all our praise, but so is he glorified when our words toward his image bearers are beneficial for building them up and encouraging them (Eph.4:29). We cannot praise God with our lips and curse our children with our hearts, for then our hearts are far from God. If God is the delight of our souls then we will praise him, and if our children are his image bearers for his glory we will not curse them but encourage and exhort with great patience, kindness, gentleness and love. Second, do not allow sinful anger to explode upon your children in physical punishment that is without cause or does not fit the offense. I believe that parents are called to discipline their children with the rod (Prov.23:13-14). However, to physically hit a child out of anger and to do so severely when their sin is not a great offense, but has hit your last nerve or is an embarrassment to you as a parent, will surely lead your children toward wrath. Discipline by our heavenly Father is done in love for our eternal redemption and so must an earthly fathers discipline be in love leading his child to the redeeming grace of God in Christ. Third, provide for your children what they need. There are certain necessities which every child needs: the right knowledge and enjoyment of God, godly and good relationships, food, clothing and shelter. And these a father must plan and work toward with all his heart to provide for his child so that they are drawn to their heavenly Father who provides. There are also those things which each individual child needs to grow up in the gifts that God has given them. There is then a necessity to know your children so that you know what it is they need. But we must be careful to measure what they need by God’s standards and not by cultural standards. One need our children have is to see us give and serve as good stewards of what God has given us to store up treasures in heaven rather than toys in the earth for our children’s entertainment. Fourth, we must be careful not to show partiality to certain of our children (Jas.2:1). Your children will have different gifts and some greater measures of grace than another, but we must in the same way love, lead and provide for them as the image bearers of God who are created and are to be redeemed for his glory. Fathers must be careful not to do all for a son and leave a daughter out of his time and leadership. She will need to be loved, lead and provided for in different ways but not to a lesser degree. Ask your husband or your wife to help you see if you are showing partiality to one of your children. If you are an unmarried mother or father ask someone in your church. Fifth, do not be a stumbling block to your children by commanding them to do that which is against God’s will. Be constantly renewing your minds in the word of God that you may know what the pleasure of God is so that you can lead your children in his pleasure rather than that of your flesh. Sixth, set before them a godly life that finds it’s rest in God with Christ continually at the cross. Fathers and mothers are broken by sin and God’s redemption in Christ meets us continually in our brokenness. Let your children see and hear you going continually to God in repentance and faith and seeking to live by his grace for his glory in all areas of your life.
Parents do not know what God will do with our children for his own glory. But we do have his promises toward us and our children and we do know that we have a privilege and responsibility to raise them to fear and love him through godly discipline and instruction that leads them not to anger but to taste and see that he is good and a delight to their souls. May he be their best portion forever (Ps.73:25-26).
- Ephesians 6:4a
Children are the fruit of a mother’s womb and the vineyard of a father’s loving leadership. The father, who by God’s grace in Christ, walks in the paths of righteousness seeking first the kingdom of God will yield not a vineyard over run with weeds but the sweet fruit of righteousness in the hearts of his children. For the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control (Gal.5:22-23). And this fruit of the Spirit produced in the hearts of his children that overflows in springs of life comes by God’s grace as the father is careful not to provoke his children to a heart of anger. But what are some ways that a father by the grace of God may not provoke his child to anger, but rather bring him up in the fear, instruction and discipline of the Lord so that his life becomes a vineyard of righteousness for the straight ways of the Lord?
There is a righteous anger that fathers must train their children toward. As Richard Baxter says, “Righteous anger is given by God to stir us up to a vigorous resistance of those things, which, within us or without us do oppose his glory or our salvation, or our own or our neighbors real good.”. In this way we are training our children to obey our Lord’s command, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” (Eph.4:26; Ps.4:4). However, the anger that Paul warns fathers of in Ephesians 6 is an unrighteous anger that does not accomplish the righteousness of God (James 1:19-20). Unrighteous anger expresses itself in blowing up or claming up when a person sets up his own standards and reacts with unholy anger when someone or something violates his desires, will, rights or person. Therefore, when we are thinking about how to lead our children lovingly not provoking them to anger we must keep our thoughts biblical concerning anger.
What are some ways we can keep from provoking our children to unrighteous anger? First, let the fruit of your lips be sweet. In your relationship to God and his image bearers he has called us to praise. God is worthy of all our praise, but so is he glorified when our words toward his image bearers are beneficial for building them up and encouraging them (Eph.4:29). We cannot praise God with our lips and curse our children with our hearts, for then our hearts are far from God. If God is the delight of our souls then we will praise him, and if our children are his image bearers for his glory we will not curse them but encourage and exhort with great patience, kindness, gentleness and love. Second, do not allow sinful anger to explode upon your children in physical punishment that is without cause or does not fit the offense. I believe that parents are called to discipline their children with the rod (Prov.23:13-14). However, to physically hit a child out of anger and to do so severely when their sin is not a great offense, but has hit your last nerve or is an embarrassment to you as a parent, will surely lead your children toward wrath. Discipline by our heavenly Father is done in love for our eternal redemption and so must an earthly fathers discipline be in love leading his child to the redeeming grace of God in Christ. Third, provide for your children what they need. There are certain necessities which every child needs: the right knowledge and enjoyment of God, godly and good relationships, food, clothing and shelter. And these a father must plan and work toward with all his heart to provide for his child so that they are drawn to their heavenly Father who provides. There are also those things which each individual child needs to grow up in the gifts that God has given them. There is then a necessity to know your children so that you know what it is they need. But we must be careful to measure what they need by God’s standards and not by cultural standards. One need our children have is to see us give and serve as good stewards of what God has given us to store up treasures in heaven rather than toys in the earth for our children’s entertainment. Fourth, we must be careful not to show partiality to certain of our children (Jas.2:1). Your children will have different gifts and some greater measures of grace than another, but we must in the same way love, lead and provide for them as the image bearers of God who are created and are to be redeemed for his glory. Fathers must be careful not to do all for a son and leave a daughter out of his time and leadership. She will need to be loved, lead and provided for in different ways but not to a lesser degree. Ask your husband or your wife to help you see if you are showing partiality to one of your children. If you are an unmarried mother or father ask someone in your church. Fifth, do not be a stumbling block to your children by commanding them to do that which is against God’s will. Be constantly renewing your minds in the word of God that you may know what the pleasure of God is so that you can lead your children in his pleasure rather than that of your flesh. Sixth, set before them a godly life that finds it’s rest in God with Christ continually at the cross. Fathers and mothers are broken by sin and God’s redemption in Christ meets us continually in our brokenness. Let your children see and hear you going continually to God in repentance and faith and seeking to live by his grace for his glory in all areas of your life.
Parents do not know what God will do with our children for his own glory. But we do have his promises toward us and our children and we do know that we have a privilege and responsibility to raise them to fear and love him through godly discipline and instruction that leads them not to anger but to taste and see that he is good and a delight to their souls. May he be their best portion forever (Ps.73:25-26).
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